Comparisons. Generally, they are helpful and especially useful when it comes to making decisions. However, sometimes the opposite is true, and instead of trying to decide which option is best, you are faced with a between a rock and a hard place situation. And that's a bit crappy.

What kicked off this limited train of thought, was that when I wake, the first few seconds are blissful. Just lying there, awake and sandwiched between The Good Man and The Little Man. Heaven.

And then I try to move, and it all comes rushing back, crashing through and mindlessly constricting my everything. You'd think I'd be used to it. But no. I've adjusted, yes. But used to it? No. I hate it. And to accept that this is the best I'm going to be? Marvellous. Fucking marvellous.

So anyway……back to comparisons……in the olden days, I would often be up at 5.30am after not getting in from a shift until 11pm. Straight in the shower, breakfast, dress, makeup and hair, note to the girls and off I go to another shift. Care for mothers, deliver babies, be a mum, food shopping, gym and a social life. Life was busy and I loved it like that.

Nowadays….hhhhmmmm…..I can shower on my own, mostly, and dress myself, mostly. Food shopping is mostly done online, and there is no gym. Social life still exists, but it has suffered shrinkage, like a gastric band has been fitted to my friendship group. Life is not busy and I loathe it like this. But still, I try to make the most of it, as this is the best it's going to be. Unless there is a medical breakthrough/miracle. And there will be. But in my lifetime? Dunno…...

Alongside this is the development of The Little Man. He is becoming more active and climbs on whatever he can, the dog is his best mate, and today when there was a little girl asleep on the TV, he started snoring.  And he gives the best hugs, whilst patting and saying ahhhhh. This is reserved for family, including the dog. His development is going to continue, and so is that of Multiple Sclerosis, and that's just how it is.

So, I'd best make the most of it, as it is now. Because one day I may look back on these days and remember them as golden.

It's Sunday afternoon, and it's taken me this long to not recover fully from a trip, (scooter bound) from yesterday, that, may I add, lasted all of 40 minutes. Short and sweet it may have been, but it was still an eyeopener.

First up was the little girl that said to her mum, "Why is that lady in there? Is she poorly?' Cue the little girl being whisked away and being told not to stare. And hands up, I was a twat, and ignored the whole thing, when in retrospect, I realise was probably wrong. I should have spoken to the girl, and answered any questions she may of had. Otherwise she may grow up believing that she cannot talk to people who are a bit, well, different to the 'norm' and you best ignore them.

Then I got stuck in a disabled loo. It was really quite big, but sadly not big enough to manoeuvre a scooter around in with ease. So, I bent the basket of the scooter in my efforts to turn around. Then when I got to the door it wouldn't stay open. Luckily, a young lady shopper was alerted to my difficulties, as she probably heard me swearing, and she held the door open for me. Thank you! So I popped the dent out of the basket, and carried on.

Next up was the shoe shop that we were taking the little man too. We had some faulty shoes to return but the kids department was really busy, so replacing them proved tricky. BUT hats off to the young lady assistant, who was very helpful, offering to clear obstacles and fetch shoes, and just making me feel involved, rather than a bystander. Gold star to her.

Accessorize was a bloody nightmare. I wanted some hair clips, and thankfully, they were on the first display, but however, all the displays were so rammed together, it was difficult to move, and get to the till. Even if you were a walking size 8 contortionist, it would have been tricky. Spacka friendly, it was not. Still, I got some very nice clips, and only knocked one thing over, (which I picked up, of course, I'm not an animal). So, all in all, not a complete disaster.

Back in to the shopping centre and amongst a very strange breed of people. Despite being a wide load (due to the scooter, you understand) people kept walking AT me, as if they were stuck on a track and must not deviate from the course they wish to take, NOT FOR ANYTHING! So I'm weaving in and out of people and resisting the urge to mow people down.

So, yesterday was a real mixed bag, which saw me saying, "Remind me NEVER to go out on a Saturday AGAIN!" and I really meant it, but then I remembered I'm going to my sisters and we have a date with Meadowhall and bra shopping, also on a Saturday...... I think I'll have some fun though by extending the wheelchair challenge to scooter challenge and the first contestant will be my sister. I can hear her squeal with 'excitement' from here.....

On the way home we went to an ELC and Mothercare shop. I had gift cards from Christmas for the little man and spending them was a joy. I guess they are used to catering for people with bumps and pushchairs and this transfers to,

a, room for pushchairs = room for me, or anyone in a wheelchair/on a scooter/or crutches/or a stick.

b, toilets! In a shop!

c, helpful, friendly staff.

d, Displays on the shop floor, that I can reach. I only need help reaching the wall displays , and this     

in itself is a gem, as it enables independence, and independence is underrated until it's under threat.

One of the things I got for the little man was a set of school children, and one child was in a wheelchair. How could I not buy them?! 10/10 to ELC for that bit of inclusive thinking.....genius!

If more shops were like this, it would be a amazing. Not to mention a joy. I cannot overestimate how incredible it is to go somewhere, and to be welcomed, served, and treated like any old customer. And for that, I'm happy to spend my pennies there. And isn't that what makes a shop successful?

Whoop Whoop You Da Man!

Today, I went to watch a friend take part in a Wolf Run. And very impressive it was too! For those of you that don't know, Wolf stands for woods, obstacles, lakes, and fields. The run is set over 10 kilometres or 6.2 miles, and includes all these types of terrain. I was at the finish, where I got to watch the wolf runners jump in a big, chest deep trench full of thick muddy water, up and over a slick muddy hill and down into another trench.

I was amazed that everyone taking part looked so happy. Maybe it was because the finish line was in sight. Or maybe it was the camaraderie amongst the runners. Whatever it was, I was impressed. It wasn't a race, and people were helping each other out. People of all ages and sizes were taking part too. I met my unbelievably muddy and wet, but happy friend, and gave him what was possibly the best chocolate bar EVER.

As for me, I also felt like I was undertaking a massive challenge, wheeling myself over fields, so to congratulate ourselves, all six of us, plus the little man, went to the pub for a good and much needed roast, or the veggie equivalent.

As for the friend that took part, I've known him since the olden days......the days when I was walking, driving, studying, working, gyming, swimming......and now that's all changed for me, BUT I haven't changed in who I am. And he treats me just the same as he always has. And for that, I will always be at the finish line with a snickers.

Check out the WOLF Run Website here for details of the next big run if you'd like to take part. HERE

Those of you that know me or have been reading my blog, will be familiar with Wheelchair Challenge. Today it was the turn of my daughter whilst we were at the shops. I sat in the cafe, by the window (good view) with a drink, whilst she wheeled herself to the cashpoint (which was up a slight hill, and by slight, I mean if you're a walker it was slight, but NOT so slight if you're wheeling yourself), and then got me a few things from the shop. She encountered a couple of interesting people....

....first up, the dickhead that said to the person he was with 'she'd be prettier if she wasn't in a wheelchair'

Aaaaaaarrgggghhhh!!

The next person up was a helpful chatty man of good humour. My daughter dropped a packet of cashew nuts, but then couldn't pick them up, so man number 2  said he'd get them for her. He huffed and puffed a bit and said,

'To be honest, I can hardly get them myself'

Daughter, 'Why?'

Man, 'Because of my belly.'

Daughter, 'Oh' He gets full marks here. It's not often this daughter is stuck for something to say.

Man, 'Why are you in a chair?'

Daughter, 'It's because of my mum.'

Man (shocked look)

Daughter, realising she needs to extend that....'No no, my mum is in a wheelchair, so she gets me and my sisters, or anyone really, to do what she has to do when in a chair, because otherwise we don't get how it is to be in a wheelchair.'

Man (probably relieved), laughs and says ' That is BRILLIANT! '

Meanwhile, I was chatting to a couple in the cafe. We watched my daughters success, or rather, the alternative route she took, to get to the cashpoint. Because she found the slope at the crossing too steep, and therefore couldn't get on the path, she had to stay on the road. As she was going along the back of the parked cars, I was envisioning a disaster, featuring a squashed daughter AND a squashed wheelchair.....I'm still trying to decide which would have been worse...... ;)

Thankfully, both the chair and my daughter returned safe and well, with my daughter relaying her findings. So, it's a 50/50 split at the moment between the dickheads and the helpful normals. I would dearly love the helpful normals to win here, why don't you all join their team? I reckon that team will win.

My feeling was sadly not one of surprise, when I read that a Town Major had had to resign from his position, for making offensive remarks about disabled people. To quote, 'Are we still letting those Mongols have sex with each other?'

Deep, cleansing breath and......

Aaarrrrggghhhh!

Does he include himself in that statement? And he's hoping to get lucky? Is he trying to find out if he has a chance?

I, as a disabled person, would rather boil my head, than share time, conversation or bodily fluid with someone so ignorant.

And also what's with the 'letting?' Is he in charge of who ruts who? Is he a self appointed sexual prevention officer?

I tell you what this smacks of. Nazi eugenics. Is he thinking of forced sterilisation? Like the enforced sterilisation of an estimated 400'000 people in 1939? By 1940 the hospital beds were needed for the soldiers of the second World War. So this then deemed that a 'final solution' was found for the 70,000 people with mental impairments. That final solution was the death of all those people, 'with lives not worth living.'

Now, you may think I've made a bit of a leap here, comparing Mayor Nick Martin's comments with Nazi eugenics, but I don't think the leap is that large. It's this kind of opinion, that's hidden behind a public mask, that makes it all the more dangerous.

He should watch himself. Because he has clearly displayed that he is somewhat lacking on mental clarity. And because of that, he could well end up on the undesirable short list himself.

Congratulations to Mr and Mrs Curtis.

Yesterday I went to a wedding. I had been getting in a right pickle about going, because I would have to go in my wheelchair and I HATE going out in it, because sometimes, the wheelchair is all that people see. And it's not the best talking point....in fact, it can at times be seen as a barrier to people. They don't talk to you. And I'm guessing here, but I suspect it's because of,

A. People really don't know what to say or how to be........'Do I say anything about the chair? Why is that person in it? Can I ask? Would that be rude?' So then they opt to say, nowt.

B. People are scared that either the person in the wheel chair won't understand them, or they won't understand the wheelchair user, so then again, they opt to say, nowt.

C. Or people read the Daily Mail, and they suspect you of benefit fraud, and whilst they admire your attention to detail, they don't want to associate with a criminal. So then they opt to say nowt.

So the first mini melt down was had, and I gave myself a talking to. As did the rest of my family. Sorted. The day arrived and the weather was beautiful. The good man and I knew what we were wearing, we had all day baby sitters (big sisters), and we knew where we were going.

I just had time for a second melt down, an hour before leaving.
MY DRESS DOES NOT DO UP OVER MY BOOBS!!! SHIT! So this sees me wearing a different dress that I love, and it fits me well, but it struggles to be a respectable wedding length when you sit down. SO, NOT A GOOD COMBO WITH A WHEELCHAIR! Ah well, it will have to do. And so we leave.

We arrive at the beautiful destination and I SNAG MY TIGHTS! RIGHT ON THE FRONT OF MY THIGH! And with my dress riding up as I'm in the wheelchair IT'S ON FULL DISPLAY. As I'm sure, is my lady garden.

The place was totally accessible, with a disabled loo, and this combination makes for an easy day. It was just unfortunate that every time I needed a wee, so did the good man. So to anyone paying attention, it would have looked like I needed help to use the loo. Or, more likely actually, that the good man needed assistance. Independent emptying of both bladders was had. And back to our table, where I challenged everyone to a Wheelchair Challenge.

The route was set. Start on the patio, down the little lip, over the grass, round the tree, and back up the grass, and back on to the patio to finish. It would take 20 seconds to walk the route, over the grass that walkers would observe as flat, but wheelchair users would notice as bumpy, lumpy and sloped. And that little lip transformed into a mountain face. Happy with my route, I took up my place on a garden chair and watched the games begin. Like a Roman Emperor.

It was really interesting actually. About seven or so people took part, with varying levels of intoxication, and competitiveness, but all with the same level of enthusiasm. The winner completed the route in 1 minute 40. The prize was the glory felt by the winner, and the admiring looks from the losers. Good work Joel.

A fantastic day was had. And I'd like to say thank you to Phil and Emma for sharing their day with us. Best wishes and big love to you both for a cracking future. You kicked it off well with an awesome day. Xx

 

Me and the Good Man before leaving, taken by my lovely daughter

Today my blog is one year old....HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BALANCING ON THE EDGE!! If you were watching me set the blog up, you would not have thought I'd get through one post, let alone one year. But in the last year, I have somehow managed to do 67 posts, and I am about to hit 17'000 world wide page views. And THAT I think, is cause for celebration. It's also reason to thank my long suffering technical support....my family and friends.

Birthdays and anniversaries are sometimes a time for reflection. So, looking back over old posts I see a reminder to listen to music and read. The family is coming and going today.....a mixture of work, appointments, college and nursery.......so I will make use of the peace to finish my book. The music's already on....

For mobile readers click HERE

Enjoy your day.