I have been cleaning and tidying up, for what seems like ALL DAY. Why/how can a clean and tidied kitchen go from pristine to bomb site in no time at all?? Or from one nameless person making some toast?? Spring clean? Dunno, but I smell of bleach, and it's over powering my perfume......

The Little Man has been awarded a tificate by his teacher, for good, consistent learning. The certificate is proudly displayed on the fridge. He's been discussing the chance of a sleepover with his friend Isaac. The chances are good, just wait a week or two........

I had physio today, and whilst she was pleased with me, it's a maintance rather than an improvement she's after. I still can't put my own bloody socks on though which is frustrating to say least! AND I can't paint my toe nails either, but luckily, one of my girls is a nail technician. Unluckily, when she gets home, the last thing she wants to do, is paint more nails. Luckily, she's pliable if the right bribe is offered......watch this space to see her demands....

Later that week........we had a family outing to Build a Bear in Milton Keynes. We are now the proud owners of a Chewbacca and a Paw Patrol character, and as awful as that sounds, spare a thought for my daughter who is now sharing her home with a rather bright piccachoo. Still, happy faces all round, until The Little Man got hit by an awful cold mid pizza, in Pizza Hut. In need of calpol and bed, we left for home without visiting the Lego shop and I only got a passing glance at Gap. I hate Milton Keynes. As far as wheelchair compatibility goes, it's excellent. But the people?? Not so much. They seem robotic, and they will not deviate from their course. They walk straight at you. The temptation to run them over is getting too much to ignore.....

It's the next day and The Little Man has had a pyjama day, as he's had a day off school. It looks like he'll be off tomorrow too, as he feels a bit boiling. This, despite being fully loaded with calpol. And yes, he did share his germs. But it was a day or two before we realised. First the Good Man, And then me........joy of joys, 10/10 to tissues softer than sandpaper with cooling and unblocking menthol. Don't wipe your arse or hoo haa with them though.

Lego mugs and grassy knolls.

Today has seen daughter no.4 growling at me to get out of my pit. It worked. I sorted out my drawers,  inside and on top. And I discovered stuff I had no need for, so binned that little lot. And realised I need a black bra. So I'm taking my lady lumps shopping later on this week.

I received a parcel in the post today. A Christmas present for the three boys that I ordered in the middle of November. Still, better late than never. We now have three Lego build on brick mugs, complete with a tiny pile of Lego, fighting for space in the cupboard. Daughter no.4 growled at me again, as I hadn't bought her one......fair point, because I wish I had one too......

MS is giving me a bit of a kicking at the moment. I went to my grandson's fifth birthday party yesterday, and watched as twenty odd kids, ran around like crazy fools. Just to be clear, the kids weren't odd. My rough estimate at the number of children was. Ok? But my point was, busy one day, knackered the next. Which is an absolute ball ache, when you're trying to have a life. I have an iPhone and I honestly don't know what I'd do without it, especially on days like today. It keeps me connected, not just with friends and family, but with the world too. Like for example all things Trump. Is that the biggest hairsprayed flick/combover ever seen outside the seventies? The man is ridiculous, and vain. And he's in charge of one of the worlds super powers, and I don't know about you lot, but I find that disturbing. Still, it's a few more days before he becomes the president proper, so anything could happen. Meet me on the grassy knoll, anyone??

It's now the next day, and daughter no.4 was at it again this morning......she cushioned the blow of finding myself upright and in the wheelchair, with a slice of toast and a cuppa. I'm showered, dressed and apologising to my bed to my bed and the dog for abandoning them earlier, but I'm back now, so I'm forgiven. But seriously, fatigue is hellish to live with. It takes over, and leaves you no longer fit for the purpose of living. I feel like all my bones have disappeared, leaving behind a skin bag of fat and muscle, puddled on the floor. I get so the only thing I can do is sleep, which would be ok if it charged me up to go again, but the sleep is non-restorative. Adopt a sarcastic tone, and say, 'Fucking marvellous.'

I hope to say that again, but with an impressed tone as I try on bras, and find, 'The One.'

MINDFULNESS.

So, here we are, in 2017. A new year always brings chatter of resolutions. I prefer to take things up, rather than give them up. This increases your chance of success at sticking to them too. This year I decided that I'd make more of an effort with wearing make up, doing my hair, just generally make more of an effort. And so far, it's not going too well......I've mostly been stuck in bed, and I don't need make up for that. I do however, need pjs. I make an effort with pjs. The other day I sorted my pj pile with this resolution in mind. choosing nice matching ones, and generally clearing out non matching or non fitting ones. It's funny init, how what we wear, and how we present ourselves, really influences the people we meet. Back when I was training to be a midwife, I sometimes had to swing by the local supermarket, in my oh so flattering uniform, and the reaction I got from people was very different to the reaction I got when I was in my decorating gear. BUT the creme de la creme came when I was out with the Good Man, and I was in my wheelchair, and we bumped into someone he knew. He introduced me, and the silly twat of a woman, clocking the wheelchair, said, 'oh he's good isn't he, being with you?' To which I replied, 'No actually, I'm good being with him.'
But I tell you what gets The Gold Star. I had a bloke come round to give me a price for doing a job. We were chatting in the garden, when he asked me what was wrong with me. I told him I had MS, and he said, ' Oh I knew a bloke that had that. He died.' He didn't get the job. Anyone with MS reading this, in case you don't know, YOU DON'T DIE FROM MS. OK.

Yeah, so my resolution is to make more of a effort with my hair and make up. I don't wear much make up anyway. Just a little blusher and mascara, so it's no biggie timewise or effort wise. So I should be able to stick to that. And bloody hell! Just brushing my hair would be a start! As I wrote that I felt a knot at the back of my head. Right, ok then, I'll start right now on brushing/doing my hair then! Two minutes later......silky smooth wisps of hair. (I haven't got the thickest hair.)
Anyway, I am aware that it might seem like I'm rambling. But I'm not. New Years resolutions, and not acting like at twat require the same thing. MINDFULNESS.  What you set for yourself as a New Years Resolution needs to be workable i.e don't say you're going out running everyday if you've just had a baby. Your tits will feel like they may rip off your chest, and your insides WILL fall out of your slightly distressed still bleeding vagina. Instead say you'll jog up the stairs, every time you go up them, or that you'll do pelvic floor exercises whenever you clean your teeth.

And yeah, be mindful of what you say. Words can cause distress or upset. And also reveal you as a bit of a twat. Basically, be nice. Or shut up. Better yet, go home. Silently.  

The celebrations continue......

So. That's it then. Christmas is done! All that remains are cold chunks of beef, crackers and what seems to be, a cheese shop in my fridge. We are all happily living off festive leftovers. I can hear the Good Man crunching his way through doritoes. Our normal three meals a day with shit loads of fruit diet, has gone out the window, and been replaced by a dead slack cavalier approach. Cake for breakfast? Why not? I convince myself that this is good, in a waste not want not stylee. The Little Man wants jelly, and I fancy a trifle.....not with sherry in mind you. Call me unsophisticated. But I am not a fan of alcohol in food. Alcohol in a glass. Food on a plate. And I don't think I'll ever have an appreciation for sherry, as it's disgusting.

As I was saying......Christmas is done. But what isn't done, is my birthday. My yearly celebration is wedged between Christmas and The New year. Some people loathe having their birthday so close to Christmas, but not me. I quite like it. We have people coming and going throughout the day and I'm really looking forward to it! Just don't enquire about my age. Ok?

Today is one of those days when I just can't get going. I'm still in my pit, with a hot chocolate and Badger stretched out behind me. I'm sure I'm the envy of most working people, with my lie ins and pj wearing lazy days. Although I'm sure no one envies the brain disease part of me. Zombies would not want my manky brain. But it's because of my manky brain that I've been able to afford the time to have the little man, and stay home with him. To be the one who's always here, not dashing about trying to do several things at once.

I remember an ms friend of mine that used to tell me to look for the gift. At the time I was still driving, swimming, yoga ing, body balancing and high heel wearing, and I couldn't see any gifts. I had relapsing remitting MS, and life for the most part was uninterrupted. I had blips where ms would rise up and bite me on the arse. And then, bit by bit, the life I had, that I thought made me ME, was eroded. First to go was the heels. No bother as I love converse too. And then the rest got chipped away, bit by bit. And I could only seem to think of myself in terms of 'I used to....' Well, that's like beating yourself over the head with a shitty stick. It took me a while to realise, that I'll always have the 'used to' part of me. That I could set it to one side, as I went about developing the new me. It took a while, but I'm now ok with how I am. Don't get me wrong, I do have the odd shit fit about it. I'm not a saint. But life is good. There are things I have ms to thank for......

And I never thought l'd say that. 

Eat your weight in mince pies......

Well, today was non stop excitement. As we were meeting friends at a pub, we bundled ourselves into coats and the car. Transferring from the wheelchair to the car is a bit of a mission, as my legs seem to be giving up on the only job description they have, and are required to do....support the bulk of my body as I stand for literally 5 seconds to twist and drop onto the car seat.

I've got this returner thing from physio people. It has a base I stand on, then I pull myself upright to standing. Which I can do, and Jesus wept! It feels so good to be standing up, and this never surprises me. Although, when I first started using it, The Little Man was surprised,
'Mummy!!? You're standing??' And as I haven't been a standing Mummy since he was tiny, it would have been a surprise. I laughed and said, 'Yes! Yes I am!' Honestly? My voice was a happy voice, and I was happy, but I could've cried, both sad and happy tears. I need to be using it to help strengthen my thighs.

So anyway back to the pub and meeting the friends that didn't turn up...we got the wrong day....it's tomorrow. So back we'll go, it's a superb pub, so no hardship. Except to our waist lines as the food is quite spectacular. Still, it is Christmas, and we all are expected to eat the equivalent of our body weight in festive food. AKA pizza. See my Festive List blogpost....

So now it's the next day and meeting friends take 2. So far, I'm still in my pit with burning eyeballs. BUT, I have thought about what to wear, done a Facebook quiz had breakfast AND my advent chocolate. I just can't shift. Physically and mentally. Oh and I just remembered physio is here in a min....slight panic! Hopefully that will wake me up and I'm sure she won't care about seeing me in my pjs.

Twenty minutes later and physio done, so it's time to get ready and head out for a more successful meet up with friends. The pub was a lot busier today, so we squeezed round a table, and exchanged our gifts. No matter how long we talk for, there's always more to say and things forgotten to say.

My husband has taken it upon himself, to be the seasonal hunter/gatherer. Right now he can be found stalking his prey in Sainsbury's. And I can be relied upon to tackle a non stop avalanche of pine neddles. The tree is not near a radiator, and it's watered daily, but still continues to shed almighty amounts of fecking pin needles. I just found one on my pillow! WTF??

A friend that I've know for AGES was coming over tomorrow, but the poor girl has Norovirus. I had that a few years ago now, but I still shudder at the thought. I felt as though I was left an inside out shell of a person. And so attractive. The joy of winter bugs.

On that note, I'll love you and leave you.

What comes first? The fridge/freezer or car? You can keep your chicken and eggs..I've nowhere to store them!!

Today is not the best day I've had. Well, it was part lush, but always with an undercurrent of MEH! In my extended family, we do secret Santa. And today is the day! But am I there? No....and have I been in a coma for most of the day? Yes I bloody well have! The person that bought for me, got the present to me, and it hit the spot! Someone that knows me well enough to know that the biggest ever chocolate bar, a large and beautiful yankee candle, and lush smelling body wash, and one of those puffy things, and it all hit the spot! So, missing out being there = meh! But facetiming and saying hi to the 19 family members = fantastic!! As does opening my present......thank you! Xx

I also answered the door earlier, to a food delivery, that my sister arranged to have sent to me....so that was a Billy Bonus too! So whilst I'm feeling a bit grumpy about missing out, my family have still included me in their day's celebration and that scores highly on the happiness chart. My sister has a signature dish of a beautiful crunchy/chewy pavlova, and piled high with cream and raspberries; and as I couldn't be there to help devour it, there was a raspberry pavlova in the food delivery. I'm sure it won't be as good as my sisters, but sending and knowing my favourite stuff, scores very highly! Oh and there was a Dr Pepper too.
She could have got me a new and bigger fridge freezer though. It was a struggle to get it all in, and as I was placing/ramming things in, ice was  groaning and chipping. De-icing the freezer was probably not my sister's intention. I've been thinking for a while about a new and bigger fridge freezer......but as we need a new car too, I think I'd best forget it.

Still, Santa might deliver..........??.....

Xx

A festive list......

It's Friday, and weekend plans are looming........and wishing to carry out those plans, means I have to ignore the monster that is MS, always looming large in my life, whilst biting my back and snapping at my heels. I wish I could give it the slip, and it give me a break.
The two boys are bathed and ready for a story and then bed. Chrissie Hynde is doing her best to put some festive cheer into a song, and failing, as I tip myself into bed.

Weekend plan #1= pub lunch with friends. The festive lunch was ignored by each and every one of us, as we ordered pizzas. Three of us complained about being fatty fat fats, and then ordered pudding. One of us is a barely there person, so she can eat all the pudding she likes. Annoyingly.

Tomorrow the Christmas tree is going up. Apparently, it's already been bought, and is on the drive. The boys are dead excited about decorating the tree. The Good Man, less so, as he'll be scrabbling about in the loft for the decorations before we can start. Then it's over to daughter number threes for a Christmas meet up with my ex husbands family. I haven't seen them in ages. So long in fact, they haven't seen me in a wheelchair. So, that'll be odd. From my side, and theirs. Did you know that only about 8% of people with MS use a wheelchair? That's not a minority to envy.  Well, saying/typing that.......I hate being in a wheelchair, but I love what it enables me to do. And bingo wings will not develop whilst I'm self propelling. Every cloud n all that........

And then the Slightly Bigger Little Man goes home. But he is with us for four days over Christmas And The Little Man begins the wind down at school. So I'd better get on and help him do his cards. Another job for tomorrow.

Christmas CD back on.
Decorate tree.
Write the Little Man's cards.
Watch The Snowman.
See people.
Eat some quality crap.

So now it's Tuesday. Apart from The Snowman the list is sorted. I've also had a cut and colour, so at least my hair looks healthy, even if my face doesn't. Anyhoo, I doubt I'll write before Christmas, so Merry Christmas to you all! Xx