Monday, October 7, 2013

When the ones I love are struggling, seeking to reassure and calm them, I'm likely to say, 'This won't last. This is just a moment. It will pass.'

Time and time again this advice has proved invaluable, to many people in many different situations. But I struggle to find something of equal worth to suit me, and what I'm facing.

'This won't last. This is just a moment. It will pass.'

The same can't be said of my situation because this will last. And it will get worse. And this is the knowledge that I carry around with me, like a heavy malignant shadow. Always there. On my heels. Never resting. From when I wake, until I sleep, and in my dreamtime....

Dreamtime. I dream that I can still walk. Walk whilst carrying my boy. Walk whilst holding the good man's hand. I dream I can still run.

The shadow is always there. A constant presence. Cold comfort.

It makes me cry. It makes me scream. It makes me hurt. It makes me not want another breath.

It makes me feel helpless.

What to do?

What to do? Keep on keeping's the ONLY thing I can do. My only option.


  1. Keep on keeping on is my motto too Ellie.
    It was a pleasure to meet you, I just wish circumstances were different.
    Please let me know if you need us again X

  2. Stay strong Lorraine, you're not alone and life is beautiful. Harrison