Monday, September 30, 2013

Goodness me, I feel caught between two worlds, and it's making my head spin. So, first up, I had written about the charity football match, that was taking place on my behalf on Sunday. It was a beautiful sunny day and everyone attending seemed to have a good time. Perfect. I chose (actually...I was told who and why, because I'm clueless about football) and presented a trophy to man of the match. And as I was in front of all these people, I couldn't help feeling blessed. They had all given up their time and hard earned money to be there. Helping/playing/attending/paying just because they can and want to.

The celebrities playing presented me with a signed t shirt, in a hot and airless testosterone filled changing room, and as I went to bed in it that night, I couldn't help but feel a bit blessed.

This is in stark contrast to the opposing world.

Before, I had believed that if something horrific, especially if it was through no fault of your own, befell you, help would be there. Wrong. We, as a family, and me as an individual are struggling to get what we need. And I am talking about basic, human and real needs. Somewhere to sleep, and somewhere to shower. And I am actually being denied these needs. As if my days aren't hard enough.

So, in camp one, we have kindness, generosity, and happy people and the end result is me feeling this in spades. Helping, because they can. And it feels good.

In camp two, we have unkindness, meanness, and people that are just horrid. And the end result feels so bad. Too bad for words. And it makes me feel totally without worth. And as if, stupidly, it's my fault. Something I've done wrong, and this is what I deserve.

So, through a circumstance of nature's cruel creation, I am between two camps, and I know which camp I prefer and naturally gravitate towards. I get a sweet taster of what it has to offer, as I get to view it from time to time, as I feel it's warm glow like sunshine on my face. But I get to view it from behind a chain link fence, next to a sewage pipe spilling it's guts.

For the people of my hometown...THANK YOU.

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1 comment:

  1. Someone tweeted me this Ellie @jojojojude As a person with MS who is also a Social Worker Please tell her their is help She. Can email me at Thx