Wednesday, June 25, 2014

So it's the middle of the night here (3.45am) and whilst the rest of the house is sleeping, I AM NOT. So I toss and turn thinking about the day. I went out with the little man, and we were chauffeured by one of my girls. She was most excited as she hadn't witnessed me using a mobility scooter before, but I was less thrilled. I still can't really get my head round it.

Still, get my head round it I must, as it's one of my girl's birthdays soon, and that was the reason for the shopping trip…..there are presents to be found. And my driver is heading off on a girls holiday soon, so I got her a dress for that. I gave her a choice…….dress or fuel?….dress or fuel? It somehow ended up dress AND fuel. Mission completed, we head for home.

I also had friends visiting for the evening. One had knackered her shoulder so I gave her some reflexology, and that really helped. BOOM! I felt dead chuffed with that. Seeing friends is wicked, but it can also leave me feeling like I am left behind from the real world, so to help someone out, also helps me out, because I feel like I have something to offer, and that feels good, y'know?

When I was tucked up in bed, WIDE AWAKE, I spent an hour or so on Rightmove. I was looking at houses in my price range, but stupidly, at ones in Cornwall. I'm an idiot. I love Cornwall, but sadly, I can't move 4 girls and their lives too, so Cornwall will have to wait. They can leave me for their own adventures, but I won't leave them.  Not even for Cornwall……...and it's beaches, and it's icecream/chip stealing sea gulls/the Tate Modern/all year round flip flops…..well, maybe I could be persuaded……..the girls can always visit, it'd be just like a holiday home for them ;)
Cornwall is a bit of an oddity as far as ms is concerned. Globally, the further away from the equator, the higher the incidence of ms. In this country, Scotland runs true to form with this statistic, but Cornwall is the closer to the equator, but the incidence is really high. It doesn't make sense, but I'm sure, in time it will be understood. I reckon the Cornish peeps are chuffed, something to keep us Northern types away, and stop us from eating all their ice-cream and scones, and taking over their beaches.

The little man has nursery tomorrow, so I can catch up on sleep then. There is a bird nattering away and annoyingly twanging the aerial just above my bedroom, but, in spite of that, I'll give sleep another chance…...

Sunday, June 15, 2014

In my last post I said that I need to get on with practicing my driving. The Good Man and I went to pick up an Indian take away and I DROVE!! ALL THE WAY THERE AND BACK!! The fact that I was grimacing for the whole journey, we can overlook. It's so tricky, if you ever get the opportunity to drive an adapted car, take it, and you'll see what I mean! Still, I did it…..BOOM! GO ME!!

For those of you wondering how my car may be adapted, I have a lever that accelerates and brakes, and this lever also has a control for the indicators. I have a choice of attachments for the steering wheel and this is uncomfortable to hold (often leaving me feeling like I have little control - sort of like I'm one step removed from driving).

It feels as if I'm trying to learn to drive again, and I'm fighting against years of driving the conventional way, and the adapted way feels unnatural. My friend who taught my daughter to drive and is preparing to teach my next daughter to drive (good luck) is coming over to accompany me in driving again and to cheer me on, and hold my hand, and I can't wait.

I've broken the back of driving… challenge….taking the little man to a park……
Wish us luck!

Friday, June 13, 2014

Following on from my previous post, I want to say a big thank you to my girl for that crumble, it was delicious, as was the bolognaise she made the next night. So it's fair to say, that as I write this post, I'm feeling fat and happy.

Happy. That's a funny one. I have so much to be thankful for, that makes me truly happy, but sometimes, I feel overwhelmed with loss. The biggest loss, that's had the biggest impact, is the loss of walking. This means a myriad of other losses…..

A, Walking along whilst holding hands with the good man, or the little man. My hands are either taken up with crutches or with the wheelchair.

B, Umbrellas. Seriously. What a thing to miss! My hands are always busy, (see A), hat hair it is then. Could be worse I suppose……I look ok in a beret, but most hats are too big for my pin head.

C, Not being able to take the little man in the garden, or down to the park (both are inaccessible). This really gets me, as he is such an outdoor boy.

D, Midwifery. I loved this, but you can't deliver babies whilst in a wheelchair/on crutches. I got into my second year of training, was diagnosed in my first…..that's how quick my descent has been. I would initially walk the corridors (yes, WALK) and I'd be literally bouncing off the walls, like I was drunk.

E, Driving. The loss of this ability makes the world SOOOOO small. And it doesn't make sense to me, the car is adapted……why can't I do it? Writing this has made me determined to try……AGAIN……Driving an adapted car is very different to how you drive 'normally'. Bravery AND practice needed.

F, Independence. I have gone from being very independent to being so dependent. E has something to do with this……so I best get on with practicing my driving then….

I'll let you know how it goes….. 

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Yesterday, after the rain had done it's thing, was a good day. All of my family were here, except for the good man, and we were able to get in the garden. I sat on the door step and watched as they messed about…..rides in the wheelbarrow, kicking a ball about and eating ice-cream.

The little man is a real outdoor boy, so to see him running around is just great, his fat little feet in sandals, and he thinks the soil in the plant pots is the best thing EVER. He even manages to get the soil in his nappy…..bath time needed tonight then.

The good man got back from work earlier than expected too, which was a BONUS.

Today is the complete opposite. I'm alone in the house. And it's odd.

One weekend. A game of two halves. Polar opposites. A bit like my life. The 'used to be' life v's 'how it is now' life.

And the silence is broken… phone call and one text within minute of each other alert me to four people descending any minute now. And so we begin a re run of yesterday.

So anyway, what I am trying to say is make the most of what you have, whilst you have it. I did not make the most of my mobility when I had it. Well, it's rather that I took it for granted. I suspect most people do. My advice is, don't.

Now please excuse me, as there's strawberries to look at, and one of my girls has a new boyfriend to introduce. And one girl is pulling rhubarb to make a crumble, and I need to give instructions if she hopes for an edible pudding.

P.s….The boyfriend, by the way, got the thumbs up from me.