Thursday, May 29, 2014

Comparisons. Generally, they are helpful and especially useful when it comes to making decisions. However, sometimes the opposite is true, and instead of trying to decide which option is best, you are faced with a between a rock and a hard place situation. And that's a bit crappy.

What kicked off this limited train of thought, was that when I wake, the first few seconds are blissful. Just lying there, awake and sandwiched between The Good Man and The Little Man. Heaven.

And then I try to move, and it all comes rushing back, crashing through and mindlessly constricting my everything. You'd think I'd be used to it. But no. I've adjusted, yes. But used to it? No. I hate it. And to accept that this is the best I'm going to be? Marvellous. Fucking marvellous.

So anyway……back to comparisons……in the olden days, I would often be up at 5.30am after not getting in from a shift until 11pm. Straight in the shower, breakfast, dress, makeup and hair, note to the girls and off I go to another shift. Care for mothers, deliver babies, be a mum, food shopping, gym and a social life. Life was busy and I loved it like that.

Nowadays….hhhhmmmm…..I can shower on my own, mostly, and dress myself, mostly. Food shopping is mostly done online, and there is no gym. Social life still exists, but it has suffered shrinkage, like a gastric band has been fitted to my friendship group. Life is not busy and I loathe it like this. But still, I try to make the most of it, as this is the best it's going to be. Unless there is a medical breakthrough/miracle. And there will be. But in my lifetime? Dunno…...

Alongside this is the development of The Little Man. He is becoming more active and climbs on whatever he can, the dog is his best mate, and today when there was a little girl asleep on the TV, he started snoring.  And he gives the best hugs, whilst patting and saying ahhhhh. This is reserved for family, including the dog. His development is going to continue, and so is that of Multiple Sclerosis, and that's just how it is.

So, I'd best make the most of it, as it is now. Because one day I may look back on these days and remember them as golden.

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